It’s been awhile since my last entry. I’ve had an allergic reaction to too much sun which resulted in a horrible rash in what is called polymorphic photosensitivity and I’ve been drugged up on Benadryl and usually stay away from all medication. I’ve had many bizarre dreams, but none that I can really remember… possible because of my fog but now my mind is clear once again.

My mom and I had gone to my aunt’s house for something and we were just going to go on the back porch to get it and leave unnoticed. (We have not been there for several years as a result of my cousin carefully manuevering a separation, though my aunt, who was more of a grandmother figure while I was growing up, and I continue to speak weekly on the phone.) There was a large freezer there and I opened it and started scratching at a frozen ham. My cousin (pyscho does describes her best) was in the kitchen and I didn’t want to be noticed by her and thought she did see me and mom and we quickly ran off the porch and back out to the car.

When we got out front, my aunt came out on the front porch. She was dressed up (usually is extremely dressed down) and then my cousin came out the door and gave a cool greeting and we walked up the steps. She bent forward in gesture for me to greet her with a kiss (she always
presented her nose, which I hated, until after she came back from living in Europe and then we started doing the cheek-cheek-cheek air kissing, still didn’t care for that because I am not a touchy-feely person that needs to greet or be greeted by personal contact every time I see someone) but I maneuvered to kiss her on the cheek instead.

I said I came to borrow a book but didn’t want to disturb them, knowing that my aunt was getting ready to go away the next day and didn’t want her to walk the stairs.

Later in the kitchen I was alone for a moment and quickly made up a note which was sort of like a library due back card and stuck it in my aunt’s recipe book and my cousin came in. She was at the sink and I was now at the stove. I don’t remember exactly what she said but it was
harsh and hateful, I think I replied, “That was your choice.” She replied with something and stormed out. (We have been on the outs for several years.)

I had had enough of it and letting her have the last word and so I went after her and passed my mom and aunt in the back hall. I came screaming my cousin’s name out in the stair hall and the house boy was there (don’t know where he came from since they don’t have one or even a
maid) and told him to get her but he just kept walking up and down the stairs ignoring me, almost as if he were a ghost. Finally, after one deep guttural yelling of her name she appeared on the third floor balcony cold and freaky and camly replied, “Yes, my love?” (something she used
to occasionally call me.)

I knew something was very wrong and that I probably shouldn’t have pursued following her and started backing my way out of the stair hall and she pulled out a gun and started shooting, but it wasn’t loaded. I started running but slipped on the floor and real bullets started coming out. When I reached my mom and aunt we all ran out the back door and down the drive way as cousin followed, firing over and over again. My mom or aunt slipped in the driveway… don’t remember which and we all just stopped there… I don’t think anyone was shot… and the dream ended.