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‘Queer As Folk’ – Episode Seven

September 26th, 2005

Much to Michael’s protesting, Emmett tells him that David is his
boyfriend and you only need to look for the tell tale signs that give
it away: he gives you flowers, your mom invites him for dinner, and he
whisks you away for a romantic weekend together. Before Michael
blinked, all three happened. Debbie saw them having dinner at the diner
and found out that Michael is dating a doctor and promptly insisted he
comes for dinner. Then David gives Michael flowers on the big night
when he picks him up to go over to Deb’s house. After dinner, Michael
shows David his old bedroom and Doctor Dave asks him to go the country
for the weekend. He was speechless but Debbie was not as she bellowed
from the other room that he better say yes!

David takes Michael to the cabin he built and stumbles on a picture of
David with a woman… his wife. He explained to Michael how he thought he
could force himself to be straight, but denying who he really was ate
him up. How many of us have had similar experiences in our lives where
we tried to deny that part of who we are? There was a part of my life
in my later teens and early twenties where I tried to. I had many
excuses and rationalizations for being interested in men and forced
myself to be straight and imagine myself living the straight life with
wife, kids, and the trimmings. But it wasn’t me, and ultimately, after
much turmoil, I accepted that I was different. Yes, I want the same
things – family and trimmings, etc., but I’d rather a husband than a
wife!

I was a little surprised to find out that Jennifer had broken her
promise to Justin and told her husband that their son is gay. And as is
too often the case, dear old dad did not react well to the news. My own
dad died when I was very young so I can only surmise how he might have
reacted. As I have thought about it over the years, it usually comes up
to a very similar experience. Gay people were not even mentioned in my
house, but knowing he was a man’s man (no not that kind!) and his
opinion on people who were different (black people and foreigners in
particular) it really isn’t hard to imagine that it would not have gone
at all well.

Justin decided to get a nipple ring and as a result also began to be
harassed at school for being queer. I think we all know something about
this too. Although in my case, that would have involved kids actually
acknowledging I existed, which for the most part I was completely
ignored. There was a boy I knew in elementary school who even once
excitedly wanted me to be his desk partner in a room where the desks
were in pairs. I was happy that teacher agreed because we got along
really well. In middle school I didn’t see much of him because he
hooked up with a girl and they were a big item. But in high school, the
girl was gone and when he would run into me in the halls he moved in
very close and grabbed my chest and give me a squeeze. My drug of
choice was food and so I was overweight and had man boobs going on in
high school. I hated it. I hated him. I hated the experience of running
into him. I felt it to be abusive and harassing but how do you explain
this to a teacher, when they themselves were not that invested in the
emotional well being of the odd kids and kids that were not honor
students or jocks. Years later I don’t know if it was harassment,
teasing and his way of getting a cheap thrill at my expense, or if he
was in some way trying to tell me something else. Maybe he was queer
too? He was always a good kid and always nice to me before that and if
I were to have chosen, if circumstances might’ve been different, who
would’ve been a friend to cross the line from child to adulthood, it
would’ve been him. But he changed a lot during middle school so I was
never really sure what to make of it.

Interestingly, when I was looking at a photo of Gale Harold just after
‘Queer As Folk’ began, I racked my brain trying to figure out who the
hell he reminded me of… something with his hair… around the eyes…
eyebrows… the shape of his face… something. It wasn’t until I got a
call about the 100th anniversary of my elementary school when they were
trying to put together a list of classes that existed the last year the
school was open because the records were not intact. I had to
reconstruct my elementary school class from memory and got all of them
but one, whom I had a total mental block on. When the secretary called
me back to say they finally figured out who everybody was I asked who
the kid I couldn’t think of was. I was flabbergasted when I heard his
name. It was the boy that was a good friend and whom I sat next to in
elementary school, that later became my tormentor in high school.

Although I never got into a fistfight as Justin did, his dad put all
the blame back on him and slapped him around and decreed that it was
high time for Justin to go away to boarding school to learn some
discipline. Uh huh, oh sure that will work… sending him to a boys-only
boarding school!

Goldilocks Kinney was recuperating from a concussion he got in a hit
and run accident and as everyone was fussing over him with tea that was
too hot, ice that was too cold, and such, Justin realized it was his
father that rammed Brian’s ass… err… make that his car. Brian had
enough of the convalescing and turned it into a dance party just as
Michael and David rushed home early from their trip. Brian had ended a
phone call with Michael earlier that was sure to make him come running
home. But when they found out, that Brian was not at death’s door they
both walked out on him.

Then one night at Babylon, David approached Michael and Brain. Michael
thought the doctor came for him, but it was Brian that he dragged out
onto the dance floor and he called Brian on his game… that he keeps
Michael close, but not too close and yet just close enough to keep
Michael hoping that one day he’ll eventually fuck him. But Brian knows,
and now David does too, that that will never happen. As much as I don’t
care for David, I have to give him credit for having the balls to
confront Brian and tell him that he wants Michael, even more than Brian
doesn’t want him to have Michael.

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‘Queer As Folk’ – Episode Six

September 18th, 2005

Well of course it would make perfect sense that Mel and Lindz would
instantly fall in love with Justin! He has that quality that just
automatically endears you to him. Justin and Lindsay are both artists
which gave them a connection right off the bat. Art has a habit of
doing that. I’m artsy too and find I’m automatically drawn to that type
of creative eccentric personality. This is just another point to rack
up that ‘Queer As Folk’ is indeed representational of many people,
despite some early critics’ nay-saying. Not that we’re keeping track or
anything!

Lindsay was so impressed with Justin’s artwork that she asked him to
participate in an art show at the Gay & Lesbian center that she and
Mel were organizing. Everyone turned out for Justin’s debut, including
Jennifer, which was a big deal with it being his first art show and
secondly and maybe even more importantly it being in a totally gay
environment. But Justin, although endearing, is still a snotty teenager
and was more interested in Brian showing up than his own mother. Jen
had prepared herself to enter a world that she was totally unfamiliar
with, and perhaps even a little uncomfortable with as well. What she
could not prepare herself for was seeing Justin with Brian and learning
that her teenage son was having sex with a 30 (pardon me, 29) year old
man! Debbie was hanging around in the background eyeing up the whole
affair and realized worlds were about to collide when Jennifer realized
who Justin had been hooking up with. It was Deb to the rescue who sat
Jen down and gave her the skinny on Brian and told her that there
wasn’t anything she could but to let him have the experience and make
his own mistakes and to be there when he needs someone.

I find Justin and Lindsay fascinating characters, but it’s not only
because they are creative, there’s a charisma imbued in the characters
that draws you in and demands that you get immersed in the lives of
these people, and it’s that way too with all of the regulars on the
show. On the flip side of the coin we have Rodger, Ted’s chorus
director piano player boyfriend that he met at an “over 30″ matchmaker
shindig at the Gay & Lesbian Center. Ted drug Emmett along with him
and he said that there was honestly no one there he wanted to have sex
with. Though the guys were nice enough, Em, I totally agreed with you!
I play the piano too and have done my fair share of the choir thing as
well, but although he was sweet and a nice guy, there was nothing that
drew me into wanting to know Rodger or be involved with him. That is
exactly what Ted picked up on. Even though he was “appropriate” by
Ted’s standards, “appropriate” is not always right. But the
“inappropriate” can sometimes do the “right” things, such as Blake did.
When Ted ran into him at Babylon, he found out that it was Blake that
called 911 the night Ted overdosed.

Not being appropriate is what Brian seems to make a second, (uh no…
that’s sex) make that a third career out of. The second Dr. Dave was
out of Michael’s sight, Brian switched into ass—- mode and hit on
him. It’s interesting to see that as much as Brian tried to cause
trouble for Michael and David, that when Ben entered Michael’s life,
Brian was not so much the troublemaker. Could Brian be picking up on
that “something’s not right” with David and Michael’s relationship that
the viewer senses? That David just wasn’t right for Michael? And he was
doing what he always does – looking out for Mikey’s best interests,
even if it is done in an unorthodox and eccentric way that is only
Brian.

But to David’s credit, he wouldn’t be baited. Michael in his boyish
charm apologized to David for thinking they were out on a date just to
get laid. But later on, it was the good doctor himself that decided
it’s time to go to the next step and uses some of his own creative
nipple techniques on Michael… 13 left… 11 right. Oh my… uh well,
speaking of doctors…

In the original British version of the show the Michael character’s
obsession was with ‘Doctor Who,’ the longest running British sci-fi TV
show. Although it does have a large cult following in the U.S., the
producers felt that it was still too obscure a subject to connect with
and so our Michael has a passion for comic books. It’s really quite
ironic in that I had a huge ‘Doctor Who’ obsession when I was growing
up and well into my teens. More about that later, but it happens that
the only place (outside of a convention) to find ‘Doctor Who’ stuff
such as books, recordings, gadgets, games, etc. was in comic book
stores. So I also spent my fair share of time there too. But what I
don’t remember is the guy behind the counter being so damn hot. I
remember them being mostly older overweight Marley-type women! Of
course he would catch Brian’s eye and naturally he would do all he
could to keep it. When Brian hooked up with him at the end he was
living out a fantasy of mine that never came true. Although our
narcissistic friend seemed more interested in staring at his own naked
likeness, rendered (and over endowed) by Justin, that he bought
anonymously at the art show. Or maybe he was wishing it was Justin
instead of comic store guy whose head he covered with a sheet as he
moved further and further down Brian’s torso. Sigh. Shit! Where was
this dude when I frequented comic book stores twenty years ago?

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‘Queer As Folk’ – Episode Five

September 12th, 2005

“Don’t be one of those assholes who hides, Mikey,” Brian told Michael.
Unfortunately, sometimes there just isn’t a choice. Michael is in a job
were being gay is not an option if you want to get somewhere of any
significance. This resonates very clearly to me because I’m in the same
situation in one of my two jobs where I’m the head of my department.
Being out is not an option at all and if discovered, that’s the end of
the job. I don’t even really like it anymore or have an interest in it,
but it is a primary means of income and there aren’t any other options
at the moment and so you have to make a choice of whether you want to
be out and proud, or you want to eat and live another day.

This is the exact same dilemma the Michael faces in working at the Big
Q. Choosing to eat and live another day is what he’s doing because it
is what’s right for him at this point in his life, even if it means
swallowing your gay pride and working after hours to take inventory of
toilet paper. He was just adorable when he told Tracey of his secret
identity as “Laser Man.” But poor Michael, it only made her all the
more interested in him… just the same it would’ve done to me!

Doctor Dave. No offense to Chris Potter who portrays him, but this was
my least favorite character in the entire series. I can see how Michael
fell for him though – a charming, attractive doctor that suddenly
becomes interested in you – but there was just something off. There was
something that didn’t fit. I felt that way five years ago, but still
rooted for their relationship to succeed anyway. David’s world was all
new to Michael. It was a world of fine dining, wine, relationships, and
dating without sex.

On the opposite side of the scale, Justin has nothing but dick on the
brain as he aptly put it to his shrink in front of his mother. The
shrink seemed more shocked than Jennifer was. I do know that if that
would’ve been me, my mother would’ve drug me by the ear into the
bathroom and washed my mouth out with soap. (I don’t recommend the
experience or its use on children… it is horribly traumatic.) But
that’s what they did when a good catholic boy comes home from the first
day of elementary school and shares the colorful new four-letter words
he learned at recess. Thirty years later I’m still self-conscious even
about PG swearing in front of my mother who doesn’t like bad language.
But on the flipside, the lesson got across – you don’t say fuck in
front of your mother when you are six years old. Who knew?

Jennifer goes looking for Justin but ends up finding Debbie. It seems
that everyone always finds her when they are in need of advice, even in
Jennifer’s case when she had no clue that Debbie is who you go to. She
just attracts people with some sort of metaphysical power it seems. And
too right that is. She always has the best advice, though it may be
heavily peppered with some of that bad colorful language! Jen did take
Debbie’s advice and extended the olive branch to Justin, by saying,
“Don’t run from me because I’m not running from you.” However, in
Brian-esque fashion, the little snot ditches his mom at the museum to
hook up with a hottie in the men’s room.

It seems like everyone was getting some in this episode! Since Michael got nowhere with Doctor Dave, he too acted like Brain and went to the backroom at Babylon for a blow job. Juxtaposed to that is a complete role reversal for Brian who actually blew, uh hum, an account because
the guy was more willing to get laid then to care about his little girl
breaking her arm. Apparently Brian is not entirely about getting his
dick sucked after all. He had ditched a dinner with Mel and Lindz to
trade sexual favors for a million dollar account, but when push came to
shove he ditched the old guy, sent him packing on a plane and showed up
at Mel and Lindsay’s hours late. Of course Lindsay let him in and as
she was fixing him something to eat he fell asleep on the sofa holding
his son who was lying on his chest.

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‘Queer As Folk’ – Episode Four

September 5th, 2005

The underlying theme in this episode was all about being in touch with
yourself and knowing what you are humanly capable of. Brian was
confronted with a moral and legal issue when Mel showed up and told him
that Ted had a living will and gave Brian the power to keep him on life
support, or not. It was interesting that out of the entire group, he
chose Brian for that task. Seems as though Ted knows his friends pretty
well as Brian is indeed the only one who would be able to make that
tough decision, and tough it was even for him.

Lindsay is one of the few people to see beneath the surface and know
the real Brian that he masks from the rest of the world. It’s clear
that there is a deeper level of knowing and understanding of one
another between Brian and Lindsay. She always understands what he’s
going through and thinking and that intimate level of knowing most
likely makes Melanie a little jealous. Mel can get downright vicious
where Brian is concerned, though you can’t blame her as Brian takes
every opportunity to bait her. Lindsay left Mel with the thought, how would you feel and what would you do if you were in his shoes with this decision?

While cleaning up Ted’s place before his mom came, Michael and Emmett
found out he has a secret crush – Michael! Who has not had a secret
crush at some point in their lives? Mine happened to be a co-worker at
a place where being gay wasn’t an option. But like all secret crushes,
it didn’t last or work out. When I sit on benches I tend to hold on to
the beach seat on either side of me and swing my legs, if it’s high
enough. I remember sitting next to him on a bench once and didn’t
realize how close he was sitting to me as I, out of habit, reached to
grab hold of the seat. He was wearing shorts and my hand brushed by his
knee as I was grabbing the seat. He practically jumped out of his skin, got
up and step away and didn’t sit back down. I didn’t intend it to
happen, wasn’t even thinking about touching him. Our friendship cooled
after that and he eventually faded out of my life. But for Ted, his
secret crush is very much in his life and now knows his secret.

After regaling Justin with a tale of her first boyfriend, Jennifer used
a shopping trip as an opportunity to bring up the subject of Justin’s
sexuality in a non-judgmental manner by simply asking, “So, do you have
a boyfriend, Justin?” But no matter how non-confronting it was, just
the thought that his mother knows that deep hidden part of his life
freaks Justin out. You can feel his panic and the fear that was running
through him in that instant. He chose to seek out Brian for help – not
the best choice of people to go to for help in that matter – but it
landed him at Debbie’s house which is the best place he could’ve gone.

Debbie is such a colorful character and you can just imagine what
Jennifer thought when she opened the door and found her on the
doorstep. When Jen’s husband asked who it was, I don’t think she even
gave it a thought to say no one, not as insult to Debbie and Michael but merely as a way of keeping her husband out of this situation which
he would not deal with very well. Unfortunately, it did feel as a
slight to Debbie and just goes to show that you can’t judge a person by
how they appear. However, Debbie didn’t let it bother her and imparted
advice to Jennifer as to how to deal with Justin. She just wasn’t ready
for it, but she will be at some point and Debbie knew that. Sometimes
the things she says are so incredible that you do a double take… did she really say that? But as outrageous as a lot of what she says is,
equally as much are sage words of wisdom. When she and Michael were
leaving the Taylor’s he made a snide comment undermining his own self.
She whapped him upside the head and told him, “Know thyself!”

Its origin is Greek and it’s quite interesting to note that “gnothi
seauton,” the Greek for “know thyself,” is inscribed on The Oracle of
Delphi, a temple devoted to the Greek god Apollo. Apollo, the son of
Zeus, once had a love affair with a young man called Hyacinthus. It’s
believed that Zephyrus, also a god, was jealous of their relationship
for he too vied for Hyacinthus’ attention. One day Apollo and
Hyacinthus were playing discus and Zephyrus in jealousy raised a fury
of wind and cast the discus away, but it flew so hard and fast off
course and struck Hyacinthus in the head. Another version of the legend
tells that as they were playing, Apollo threw the discus with such
might that it flew so high and furious that it bounced off of the earth
and back up into the air, striking Hyacinthus in the head. Either way,
the tale is tragic. Hyacinthus lay dying in Apollo’s arms and the god
out of anguish decreed that he shall never be forgotten. From the blood
dripping on the ground will sprout the most fragrant of all flowers in
his remembrance, thus giving us the strongly fragrant spring flower we
know today as a hyacinth.

Knowing yourself is one of the most important things you can do and accomplish. In this legend, not even gods knew the ramifications of their own power. In the use of it without fully knowing themselves, struck down their own lover by accident. Through that tragic tale we learn the paramount importance of truly knowing ourselves and what we are capable of.

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‘Queer As Folk’ – Episode Three

August 29th, 2005

When the show began I didn’t care much for the lesbian storyline and viewed Melanie and Lindsay as an adjunct to the main story, which I perceived to be about Michael and Brian. By this episode, I thought Melanie was just a raving bitch, but Lindsay sort of was growing on me… she’s artsy… give me a break, ok? How funny that as the season progressed, I wanted to see more of them and was really happy to see their own stories develop in season two and beyond that were separate from the boys, which established them in their own right as stars of ‘Queer As Folk.’ Mel became one of my favorite characters on the show. And Lindz, well who couldn’t love Thea Gill? In retrospect, it would’ve been great to have seen them fully integrated in the beginning as well.

Though you can understand Mel’s fury when Brian interrupted the Bris, you can also see that he actually does have an interest in his son’s well being despite his continual protesting. In a world where the norm is to ostracize people who are different or to try and change them to be more acceptable, it made perfect sense for Brian to object to the circumcision on the grounds that the boy was just born and already people wanted to change him from the way he was born.

I was a little disappointed in Michael when he took a hit with Brian in the bathroom later on at Babylon. I had thought he had better sense, but Michael is still nursing his crush on Brian and may have seen that as a way to finally be with him, unfortunately it didn’t work and Brian stopped him. I’ve often thought that Brian put that boundary on their relationship because he knew that Michael deserved more then he was capable of offering him, showing that he loved Michael in a way that uniquely goes beyond relationships and sex. I’ve always been particularly fascinated with the Brian/Michael relationship and perhaps that’s because I myself don’t have the experience of childhood friendships that bridged over to adulthood.

Daphne reminds me a lot of a girl I knew in high school. The relationship that she and Justin share was very similar to ours. We’d talk all the time about everything and nothing, except that one thing that you didn’t discuss… being gay. We would sit next to each other in class and got in trouble for whispering, gossiping, and passing notes. But unlike Justin and Daphne’s friendship, it didn’t last. The summer between 10th and 11th grades I saw her at the town festival, but she didn’t acknowledge me. At the time I figured she just didn’t see me for the crowd. When I saw her in school that fall, her makeup looked more like war paint for battling the boys she was discovering and when I asked her how she liked the festival she said, “Oh that. I didn’t go. My mom is a dentist and so I spent the summer in Europe.” I was like, I know she is but huh? I saw you there. She didn’t stick around for me to ask anything else and seated herself away from me.

Another kiss off – the final one in a long line of childhood, elementary, and middle school friends that dropped me faster than a hot potato as we got older. I was always very friendly and outgoing – did plays, skits, talent shows, and sang in school. I was oddly eccentric beyond my years as well. My cousins say they were embarrassed to go shopping with me because I would strike up a conversation and chat away with complete strangers on elevators. And my brother, the jock, always told me I talked and acted like an old man, of course that was when he wasn’t trying to wrestle with me and tossing effeminate slurs when I complained he was hurting me. The optimism of that boy who always tried to reason out each dis and continual outcasting slowly died with each lost friend until all that was left was a closed off, sexless person with low self-esteem and confidence issues. I was like Justin when I was younger and became someone not unlike Ted through circumstances in my late teens and early twenties. Poor Ted. His desperation drew him down a path into another realm where television had never dared to go. In the beginning I thought Ted had all his crap together, more so than everyone else, but in retrospect I was wrong. The warning signs were all there and I didn’t see them, or maybe didn’t want to see them. Looking back now, it’s very easy to identify with him. When he met up with Blake at Babylon, someone finally showed genuine interest and wasn’t afraid to be seen talking to him.

There was one boy in biology class who didn’t fit or move with the in crowd. He was always nice to me and actually tried to strike up conversations. But by that point I had completely shut down and did my best to ignore him and even shun him. A couple of years after high school I ran into him (fiancée in tow – sigh) at a convenience store and he actually stopped and talked to me for awhile and was interested in how I was and what I’d been up to. After he left, my mom who was there too, came over and asked, “Who was that good looking guy you were talking to?” …. just someone I knew in high school. I never saw him again and not getting to know him in school and pursuing whatever kind of relationship could’ve come of it is still one of my biggest regrets.

For the longest time I thought something was wrong with me. I can’t be the only one who is like this? Whatever ‘this’ was. And if I was the only one, maybe I am supposed to be alone and by myself. ‘Queer As Folk’ and its array of strange and fabulous characters helped in so many ways to show that that is just not the case. People are different; people are strange; people all have eccentricities. Just because they don’t fit the mold or march to the same tune doesn’t mean they should or need to be outcasts. On the contrary, it’s what makes us all the same.

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That’s a Wrap Folks!

August 25th, 2005

This is probably one of the hardest articles I’ve ever written because it isn’t just about the end of a TV show. It’s about the end of something special that has had a profound effect on society and the people that welcomed these characters into their living rooms every Sunday night for five years. If you weren’t glued to your TV last night watching the series finale of ‘Queer As Folk,’ you’ll need a box of tissues to get through the half hour special and the hour-long episode. No guys, not for the same reason that you needed tissues for the first episode! I went in knowing I would be teary-eyed at the end but I had to get up twice to get tissues as I kept bawling every few minutes.

It’s weird. It’s just a TV show. Why such fuss? That’s what I keep telling myself every time I’ve had to blink back tears of sadness and of joy since seeing the finale and listening to the soundtracks today as different songs bring to mind clear and vivid memories of the show. Something very unique happened that I’ve never seen happen before. This show evolved into something bigger – something with a life of its own. It became a cultural statement populated with friends that you’ve grown to love and have thought of as your own friends. It has resonated so deep within a culture that has been marginalized in contemporary society, raising strong emotions that run the scale from adoration to loathing. Despite ending positively, there is an enormous sense of loss felt throughout the community because there was never anything of its kind before and there never will be again. The sentiment is echoed in every chat room and message board on the Internet. Maybe it’s the ending of an era, or the dim political climate, or each person’s own personal circumstances in which ‘Queer As Folk’ filled a void in their lives that grew because of out casting and isolation. Perhaps it is a mix of all of the above.

I remember Dolly Parton once saying that when she was first starting out someone told her for a successful performance you need to make ‘em laugh, make ‘em cry, scare the hell out of ‘em and go home. ‘Queer As Folk’ certainly has done that and more. The finale to the series was fitting and brought the entire story of these boys becoming men full circle. Being the same age as our boys of Babylon, my first reaction was holy shit, I can hardly believe it! Here’s a show about guys my own age – gay guys my own age, something I never imagined I would see. I feel I’ve grown up with them and at the same time vicariously experienced a youth that I was never able to.

When the episode opens we hear ‘Sleep’ by The Dandy Warhols that was also played at the end of the premier episode (but technically episode two), when Justin told Brian he wanted him, and Brain said it’s not possible because he only believed in fucking and not in love. You instantly felt for Justin and could feel his pain from Brian’s bluntness. The opening of the final episode with Brian and Justin trying on clothes for their wedding, show’s Brian’s overwhelming love in the act of ultimate sacrifice for love – trying to change to be everything Justin always wanted. But ultimately you cannot change for someone else and when you do it goes awry. In the end it was Justin who changed and grew and realized he loved Brian just the way he was and that they didn’t need rings or a ceremony to prove their love for one another. Their first time together was sex, but their last was love.

The rooftop scene where Brian reaches out for Michael’s hand in the premier was one of the most powerful scenes that said more in one small gesture than could ever have been said with words. As the cirlce is completed, now it’s Michael reaching out for Brian and reminding him who he is – who they are – as their song ‘Proud’ by Heather Small plays, just as before. I’ve always had a difficult time deciding whether I identified more with Michael or Justin, but in the case of the final episode, I think we all can see ourselves in Justin’s shoes. Five years ago he was a frightened boy alone and lost in a strange but familiar world. He met a group of boys outside of Babylon that were unusual and fabulous at the same time. He latched onto them and they eventually took him under their wings and together they grew and experienced the ways of the world, both the joys and the sorrows. And when the time came to fly on his own, he flew away leaving them but knowing they will always be there, continuing the vibrant dance of life as was echoed in the final scene with Michael, Brian, Ben, Emmett, and Ted at Babylon, just as the series started.

The show did end in a way that has always aggravated me. It’s not unique to ‘Queer As Folk’ and I suppose fickle as I am, I really wouldn’t want it any other way because it does open up the field of imagination to ponder and daydream about what happens next? Where do these people’s paths take them and what do they experience along the way? It tantalizes you without absolute finality. The story that ‘Queer As Folk’ was meant to tell did end but in a way that leaves you hanging on every word, every flashing light, every thumpa thumpa beat of music, wanting to be folked more and more. This is where the inconsolable emotion bubbles to the surface because, boys and girls… that’s all they wrote. The rest is for us to… see in our dreams.

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‘Queer As Folk’ – Episode Two

August 22nd, 2005

Before ‘Queer As Folk’ even debuted it received criticism from within
the gay community about how inaccurate and representatively it
portrayed gay life. So much so that the producers felt compelled to add
a disclaimer to the show that stated, “‘Queer as Folk’ is a celebration
of the lives and passions of a group of gay friends. It is not meant to
reflect all of gay society.” As is the case with many gay people, the
world of ‘Queer As Folk’ is far from what I experience in my own daily
life, but there are still things to be found within the show that are
all too accurate, proving that the show was indeed representational of
what many gay people experience. Maybe not right on the surface, but I
challenge any gay person to look at the show and not find at least one
thing to relate to.

When Marley pulled the stunt to set Michael up with a girl at the Big
Q, how many of you recalled similar experiences? Though I never got as
far as physically being setup, I’ve had those horrible family
encounters when your relatives, well-meaning though they may have been,
were trying to go through the lists of people they knew trying to find
you just the right girl. It brought back memories of Thanksgiving
dinners with the extended family around the table with most everyone
paired up except me and my sister-in-law pressing, “Why aren’t you
married? Why don’t you have a girlfriend? I need someone to conspire
with!” as all eyes suddenly turn to you waiting for an answer. Conspire
indeed! Sigh. You answer with an “I dunno,” and a shoulder shrug and
just wish you could sink into the floor, but it only brings on further
badgering including names of girls and what they like that’s the same
as you like until another family member gets it and tells her to,
“leave him alone already.” To Michael’s surprise he ended up having a
good time and actually put the straight guys in their place with his
quick comeback on football, thanks to Emmett who made him read a sports
magazine. They were all mystified at his sudden exclamation of “Cher!”
into the conversation though, but what gay guy didn’t think the same
exact thing when Tracey said, “You gotta believe?”

Justin’s adventure in the locker room at football practice also brought
back memories of the same experiences… the mystery… the
curiosity… the trying to look without seeming like your looking. My
first big crush was a football player in high school. He looked older
than he was and had a fabulous body, dark brown hair, a hairy chest, a
heavy beard – even at 17. I remember seeing him in the locker room in
nothing but his tightie whities that he amply filled out as he raised
his arms and swiped on deodorant. But as always is the case, the
weirdest things, um, stick out in your mind. He had holes in his
underwear… where was Carson Kresley to rip those shorts off of him in
1985 for that fashion emergency? But sometimes things aren’t always
what they seem cracked up to be. He was the star football jock and wore
the title well with a stuck up, cocky attitude – not much unlike Hobbs.
He barely gave me the time of day. But there was another football
player who was my savior and another hottie. He pulled me aside one day
and said that if anyone ever gave me any trouble I should tell him and
he would kick their ass. That meant a lot to me because in high school
I was fat, odd, and some kids probably figured I was queer (you weren’t
out in school back then, at least not in my school) and so no one
wanted to hang around with me. Even friends from earlier school years
acted like they didn’t know me or didn’t want to be seen with me when
passing in the halls.

The Michael/Debbie relationship also strikes very close to home because
my dad died when I was young and so I was raised by my mom. My brother
was older and not around so that left just the two of us. Michael’s
mom, Debbie, is by far the most colorful character on the show. I
recall my first impression of her was “how bizarre” when I saw Sharon
Gless in costume on ‘Entertainment Tonight.’ But underneath the wig and
other accoutrements, Debbie is the kindest, sweetest, most loving
person – exactly like my own mom. Justin on the other hand came off as
being a snotty disrespectful teenager to his mother, Jennifer. But in
all actuality, what teenager wasn’t at some point?

Justin had gotten all gussied up to go out and see Brian after their
night together. But to Justin’s surprise, Brian wanted nothing to do
with him and told him it was just sex and if he wanted more to go find
a girl and get married. As Justin’s heart broke in two, a lump formed
in your own throat as your heart sank into your stomach. When it first
aired, I remember thinking what a heartless ass Brian was. But looking
back now, that kiss off was painful for Brian too as had to keep up
that Brian Kinney appearance. His eyes glazed over when Justin got in
the car and drove away because underneath the facade, Brian Kinney is
just as human as everybody else – just as we all can find bits and
pieces of our own humanity and experience in this queer group of
friends that were not meant to reflect all of gay society, but became a
sociological paradigm for an era.

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‘Queer As Folk’ – Episode One

August 15th, 2005

Whoa! What the hell was that? I can hardly believe what I just saw!
Even now, five years later as I rewatch the show, my feeling is still
the same as when ‘Queer As Folk’ made its debut, with the premier
episode. Kudos have to go to Showtime for having the balls to show gay
people as fully developed characters, flaws, sex life, and all. I
remember when I first heard about the show. I was channel surfing and
landed on ‘Entertainment Tonight’ which was just wrapping a story about
Sharon Gless and a new gay themed drama. My curiosity was piqued and I
went to see if I could find out more and subscribed to Showtime just to
be able to see it. That was in the summer of 2000 and in the few months
waiting for QAF to premier, I got hooked on ‘Beggars and Choosers’
solely because I was interested in the gay character played by Tuc
Watkins on the show.

Up until this point the only other dramatic portrayal of a gay person
on TV at the time (at least to my knowledge) was Jack McPhee on
‘Dawson’s Creek.’ And even at that he was a secondary character that
was not always on and the farthest they went was a very quick peck on
the lips. When ‘Queer As Folk’ burst onto the scene in December 2000,
Christmas came early. Not only were there gay men featured in a
dramatic series, but they were my age and they just weren’t talking
about sex, or making cheesy ‘Will and Grace’ type jokes about it; they
were doing it, and doing it with a full frontal assault. What gay man’s
heart was not pounding when Brian brought Justin back to his loft, took
off his shirt, poured a bottle of water over his head and then asked
Justin if he was coming or going?

The show unfolded in a manner that instantly swept you up and into the
lives of these people. You felt like you were right there with Michael,
Brian, and Justin Running through the halls of the hospital to
Lindsay’s room. In the short time to this point, Brian was already
established as a selfish, self-centered prick, but when he held his
son, Gus, for the first time, the smile on his face and look in his
eyes told a completely different story about this guy – a story that
you had to know more about. That hidden side of Brian was glimpsed even
further in the rooftop scene, one of the most powerful in the entire
series. When he held out his hand to pull Michael up on the ledge with
him, it cemented their relationship in a way that was never seen
before. It wasn’t just one man holding out a ‘how do ya do” or
“helping” hand to another. It was a gay man holding out his hand to
another gay man – a friend, a brother, and lover on a level beyond
sexual. It was at that point you began to realize there is something
special about this show that is going to forever change the way
dramatic television depicts gay characters.

Just when you thought they couldn’t go any further, they did. When
Brian and Justin had sex, it wasn’t just steamy kissing and cuddling
between the sheets. It was vivid, in your face (literally face-to-face)
anal intercourse they were depicting. At that point I thought, Oh my
God!They are never gonna let this continue. The show will be yanked off
the air before Christmas or cable systems will drop Showtime entirely
and it will be forever forgotten about. Despite the graphic depiction
of gay sex, that some called pornographic, but most called art, and
bashing from both without and within the gay community, Showtime did
not cave and stood strong in its commitment to the show and it’s
creative vision for not only the rest of that season, but four more,
creating an unrivaled legacy that was destined to change and positively
affect the lives of millions of gay (and straight) people all over the
world.